


how many times can you call a man a monster before he believes it?

by detectivemeer



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Death, Poetry, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 06:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5655751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/detectivemeer/pseuds/detectivemeer





	how many times can you call a man a monster before he believes it?

1\. you try.

2\. you tried, you could swear you did. wasn't that you, beggar knees, closed palms, praying, amen, amen? (let them live, let them live and take me instead) wasn't that you, on the ground, licking failure from your mouth while she died in your hideous hands? wasn't that you, standing up, standing with, always upright and pretending your kneecaps aren't burning and contrite--and weren't they your guts, wasn't it your viscera spilling over the stairs like silly string, wasn't it your heart that rang with graveyard silence?

3\. you know death, inside and out. you'd know it with your eyes closed, in the dark, spun around three times and sent to stick it with a pin. it comes for you cold and loud, hissing sweet things in your ear.  
aren't you tired? (you are)  
wouldn't you like to rest? (you would)  
don't you want me? 

4\. (you do, you do, you do)

5\. more fears than years lived on this earth, your life is a precipice of choices and wrongdoing. if only he handed you a rule book when he pinned your crooked jaw under the stars and bit into you. forbidden fruit, you are, little red apple, crisp and bright.  
here was your choice: be a good friend or be a good son.  
here is your choice: fight or die.

6\. graveyard silence is loud, and your fifteen minutes (of fame, flame, old ghosts burning close) weren't death. death cannot be screaming, screaming fear. you cannot have failed that terribly. you can't be hated that much.  
the scales will balance you to the light, you know this, you know this. (you hope against hope this)

7\. but you are not human, but you are no savior. who goes to hell? terrible beasts, bloody claws and sin stained lips. who loves someone like that? no one, of course. basic arithmetic. who loves you? 

8\. why didn't you save them all? why aren't you faster, smarter, stronger? why can't you balance the weight of their expectation, why are your shoes full of bowling balls, your skull full of sand? why didn't you try? you could have sworn--

9\. hate yourself better. it's rain rolling off your back if you're crueler. get nasty. rip flesh with tendrils still sticking to bone. see the red, taste your backbone as it breaks. mistakes cement your teeth together. you couldn’t ask for help if you wanted, if there were anyone around who’d bother. 

10\. you can’t unknot the wires around your ribs. you’ve got empty pockets and magic doesn't love you. this world--your world--rotten tongues and dead kids, it doesn't give a damn about you. midas, ruining everything you touch; you didn't even try.  
everyone's in the hospital or the ground or staring at you with eyes that burn worse than any wolfsbane.  
everyone's right, anyway.


End file.
